Happy fathers day! I know that we've had our differences in the past, but I really truly want to take this day to thank you for all that you've given me... your life, your kingdom, your wife... all of it. I know that some kids say their dads are the best, but you truly are the best of the best, and today is for you.
I couldn't think of what to get you, but luckily for me mom/wife was able to point me in the right direction, and hopefully you like it. It's a condom! A gag gift... I know, but don't you wish you used one of these?! Haha.
Look, I think we should address the 300 pound gorilla in the room. Yes, I killed you, yes I married your wife, yes I'm your son... but let's let sleeping dogs lie, at least today, huh dad? Because today is your day, not anyone elses. Happy Father's Day!
Now if you'll excuse me I am going to make love to your wife.
P.S. I got us reservations to Spaggo! Better make sure you're hungry!