Sunday, June 21, 2009

To Dad, From Hamlet Prince of Denmark

Hey Dad,

Or should I say ghost? haha, just kidding. I know you think I take things too seriously all the time, but sometimes I just gotta lighten the mood you know?

Whats up? How're things in ghostland? Pretty good? Well, have I got an awesome surprise for you... here on Earth it's father's day, and my gift you will love: I'm going to kill your uncle who wronged you, blame your wife (some scholars will argue whether or not I'm going to try to sex her up), and then and the end of the day I'm going to make a huge climactic scene and kill two losers named Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

I thought it all out, and this is going to be awesome.

Also i got you reservations to Spaggo.

Peace and love,

H-pain, Prince of Denmark.

To Dad, From Dru Johnston

Hey Dad,

So I know that I didn't get you anything, per se, and that this blog is the closest thing to a father's day gift I got you this year. For this I am sorry.

I am also aware that as a young boy I was totally unable to catch any form of ball when we were playing catch. For this I am also sorry.

Furthermore, I am aware that that one time I got you a tie for father's day because I was under the impression that every child got their father a tie for father's day. I also am aware now that you never wore ties. This was an oversight on my part, and a generic assumption that you were like all other fathers who want ties for father's day. This was a mistake. For this I am sorry.

I am also sorry about the P.S. for this letter, I know you hate Spaggos.

I love you.

Your Son,

Dru Dylan Johnston, Esq.

P.S. I got us reservations to Spaggo's! So keep your appetite!

To Dad, From Lyle and Erik Menendez

Hi Dad,

It's your sons! Well, it's Lyle, Erik is at work. But he sends his love.

Look, I know what you're thinking, and I'm so so sorry about the plagiarism charges. I know that you helped me get into Princeton and I didn't do my best grades wise. And I can assure you that I regret deeply getting kicked out for plagiarism charges.

Also, and this is from Erik... sorry about that other thing... I think you know what I mean.

But, hopefully that's just water under the bridge... heh, heh.

But hey, we got you reservations to Spaggo!


Lyle (and Erik) Menendez

To Dad, From Oedipus

Dear Dad,

Happy fathers day! I know that we've had our differences in the past, but I really truly want to take this day to thank you for all that you've given me... your life, your kingdom, your wife... all of it. I know that some kids say their dads are the best, but you truly are the best of the best, and today is for you.

I couldn't think of what to get you, but luckily for me mom/wife was able to point me in the right direction, and hopefully you like it. It's a condom! A gag gift... I know, but don't you wish you used one of these?! Haha.

Look, I think we should address the 300 pound gorilla in the room. Yes, I killed you, yes I married your wife, yes I'm your son... but let's let sleeping dogs lie, at least today, huh dad? Because today is your day, not anyone elses. Happy Father's Day!

Now if you'll excuse me I am going to make love to your wife.



P.S. I got us reservations to Spaggo! Better make sure you're hungry!